One of a million poems mix tapes.
"Smells Like Teen Spirit (Cover)" - Patti Smith
Not sure why, but Sontag is a great comfort to me in difficult times. It's her voice, the familiar music of her intellect. I hope Susan wouldn't mind if I painted some songs over the paragraphs of her young adulthood.
30 December
My relationship to Harriet baffles me. I want it to be
unpremeditated, unreflective — but the shadow of her expectations about
what an “affair” consists in upsets my poise, makes me fumble. She with
her romantic dissatisfactions, I with my romantic needs and longing.. .
. One unexpected gift: that she is beautiful. I had remembered her as
definitely not beautiful, rather gross and unattractive. She’s anything
but that. And physical beauty is enormously, almost morbidly, important
to me.
"Love and Happiness" - Al Green
31 December
On Keeping a Journal. Superficial to understand the journal as just a receptacle for one’s private, secret thoughts — like a confidante who is
The journal is a vehicle for my sense of selfhood. It represents me as emotionally and spiritually independent. Therefore (alas) it does not simply record my actual, daily life but rather — in many cases — offers an alternative to it.
"Epitaph of My Heart" - Magnetic Fields, off 69 Love Songs (Box Set), 1999
There is often a contradiction between the meaning of our actions toward a person and what we say we feel toward that person in a journal. But this does not mean that what we do is shallow, and only what we confess to ourselves is deep. Confessions, I mean sincere confessions of course, can be more shallow than actions. I am thinking now of what I read today (when I went up to 122 Bd. St-G to check for her mail) in H’s journal about me — that curt, unfair, uncharitable assessment of me which concludes by her saying that she really doesn’t like me but my passion for her is acceptable and opportune. God knows it hurts, and I feel indignant and humiliated. We rarely do know what people think of us (or, rather, think they think of us).. . .Do I feel guilty about reading what was not intended for my eyes? No. One of the main (social) functions of a journal or diary is precisely to be read furtively by other people, the people (like parents + lovers) about whom one has been cruelly honest only in the journal. Will H. ever read this?
"Goin' Back" - Neil Young, off Comes a Time, LP, 1978
2 January, 7:30 a.m.
Poor little ego, how did you feel today? Not very well, I fear —
rather bruised, sore, traumatized. Hot waves of shame, and all that. I
never had any illusion that she was in love with me, but I did assume
she liked me.
"Three Saddest Words" - Bombadil, off A Buzz, A Buzz, 2008
March 8 (noon)
Via benzedrine, the ever-seeping down impact of Irene, Dr. Puroshottam [Hindu scholar]
last week, this morning’s lectures on Spinoza’s ethics, the long meditation on Kant which began in October, yesterday’s idea of the difference between ‘the truth that’ and ‘the truth about.’
"Nude (Holy Fuck Remix)" - Radiohead
There is no stasis. To stand still is to fall away from the truth; the inner life dims and flickers, starts to go out, as soon as one tries to hold fast. It’s like trying to make this breath serve for the next one, or making today’s dinner do the work of next Wednesday’s as well.. . .Truth rides the arrow of time.
"Moonlight Prizefighter" - Yellow Jacket Avenger, visit their Myspace page
August 8
Monday Morning. I must help I. to write. And if I write, too, it will stop this uselessness of just sitting and staring
at her and begging her to love me again.
"Bright as Yellow" - The Innocence Mission, off Empire Records: The Soundtrack, 1995
It hurts then to love. It’s like giving yourself
to be flayed and knowing that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin.
"Out Like Bats" - Tu Fawning, visit their Myspace page
"Meet Me At The Pier" - The Doves, off Lost Sides, 2003
Sartre was very ugly — and knew it. So he didn’t have to develop “the schmuck” to pay off the others for being “the genius.” Nature had taken care of the problem for him. He didn’t have to invent a cause of failure or rejection by others. As I did, by making myself ‘stupid’ in personal relations. (For ‘stupid,’ also read ‘blind.’)
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As for the music, this is straight up Rebecca's alley. Melodic. Expansive. (One reviewer rightly calls the sound "epic yet intimate.") And all with an underlying 80's synthpop sensibility. (For the record, TRT's songwriting is a little too neat for me. This music doesn't really hold my attention.)
1. "The Nerve" - The Republic Tigers (2008, Keep Color, Chop Shop Records)
2. "Golden Sand" - The Republic Tigers (2008, Keep Color, Chop Shop Records)
In celebration of the fast-approaching second season of Mad Men on AMC, and the style, arrogance and naivete of the 1960s, I present to you, Simpatico. 1960's signature jazz-pop collaboration with Gary McFarland and Gabor Szabo. I promise, if you can find a way to spin these tracks while drinking a high ball and smoking a Lucky Strike, who just might rip a whole in the time-space continuum and be transported back to 1966.Gary McFarland, instructs Wikipedia, was a self-taught jazz vibraphonist, composer, vocalist and arranger (self taught, yes, but he did attend the Berklee School of Music for one semester). McFarland's music--at least what I can tell of it--is a mixed bag of skillful artistry and shallow routine.
What's sad is that, decades later, McFarland's contributions to orchestral jazz are largely forgotten. Strangest of all, McFarland's promising career was cut short when he was lethally poisoned by a drink spiked with methadone in a New York City bar. He was just 38.
All About Jazz calls Simpatico an album of "blatant, Beatlesque pop," so elitist jazz afficiandos, consider yourself warned.
Select tracks from Simpatico, each available for download here.
1. Spring
2. She's a Cruiser
3. Norwegian Wood
4. Ups and Downs
Note: While this album is out-of-print in the U.S. and Europe (and has never been offered on CD), it appears to have been released on CD in Japan.
Did you ever notice how leaving a job can resemble the long, painful breaking up of a romantic relationship?You know you're breaking up with your job if...
1. You go through the various stages of grieving. Denial, anger, depression, resentment, bargaining, acceptance--not necessarily in that order. Many people get stuck in bargaining.
2. If your current iTunes playlist was a person, it'd look like this.
3. The self-help books your mother (and Oprah) keep recommending are actually helping.
4. You're spending a lot of time in quiet solitude. Possibly knitting. Watching a lot of Sex and the City. Either that, or you're drinking yourself into a stupor.
5. When you're finally ready to face the facts (that little stage called "acceptance"), you find yourself humming triumphant "I don't need your sorry ass" anthems.
Just returned from a visit with one of my oldest friends, Ben. We spoke a great deal about my spiritual malaise, and the dread that now accompanies me to work each morning. His analysis: It's not my job, but my career."Night Like This" - The Cure
Is my chosen career something that inspires me, that makes me happy? Or am I choosing something that's lucrative, easily marketable...and that I could pretty much could do in my sleep? Social media marketing--is it a passion, or a free pass?
"Runnin" - Pharcyde
"Mexican Loneliness" - Matt Dillon With Joey Altruda, Joe Gonzalez & Pablo Calogero (Jack Kerouac Tribute Album)
Ben also reminded me of this--that, not long ago, I was a relaxed, confident person. I wasn't known for being neurotic, anxiety-ridden or depressed. Imagine that! I can't recall a day when my identity wasn't bound up in worry.
"You" - Radiohead (Cat's Paw Sessions, Atlanta, Georgia -1996)
In celebration of old friends and my "cool, confident" highschool self, here's a few tracks from the 1990s that were favorites of mine:
"She Might Be Waking Up" - Shudder to Think (High Art Soundtrack)
"Greatest of All Time" - Archers of Loaf (Seriously love this band, and will post more on them someday)
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Dedicated to RLT.
A mixture of sweet and sour. Soft and strange. Novel and esoteric. Varied is the love we have.
"You're the cream in my coffee" - Nat King Cole (off The Best of Nat King Cole, 2003)
"Lost Someone" - James Brown (off Live at the Apollo)
"The Last Beat of My Heart" - Devotchka (off Curse Your Little Heart, 2006)
"How Many Times" - Bob Marley and the Wailers (off Burning Reggae Soul, 1970)
"Hiszekeny" - Venetian Snares (off Rossz Csillag Alatt Született, 2005)
"Cherry Tulips" - Headlights (off Some Racing, Some Stopping, 2008)
"Swept Away" - The Avett Brothers (off Mignonette, 2004)
"She's an Angel" - They Might Be Giants (off They Might Be Giants, 1986)
"So Glad" - Fats Domino (off Out of New Orleans, re-release 1993)
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(Note: The tracks below are bluegrass or bluegrass-inspired--except for "Sweet Caroline," of course.)I'm on vacation--the first in two and half years (barring holidays and family obligations). The past few months have been a blur of mounting responsibilities at work, unmet project deadlines, and numerous sleepless nights.
"Make the World Go Away" - Eddy Arnold
In short, I've spent the past few months of my life buried in my email inbox. The result has been an increasingly joyless existence, fraught with worry, dread and panic. Something has to change.
"Will You Return?" - The Avett Brothers
For two hours this afternoon, I sat on the porch, watching the gold finches, humming birds and morning doves collect by the various feeders in the backyard. Can I tell you something? It was sublime. Dozens of birds. Eating. Singing. Occasionally chasing one another away. Suddenly, I found myself in the present. No blocks sliding around in my mind. Just a quiet welcoming of the world around me.
"It's Not Impossible" - Ben Sollee
A storm started rolling in around 7pm. The wind shook the tree tops, producing the independent rustle of 5,000 leaves. I never realized what that sounded like before. It was like I was hearing it for the first time.
"Chip of a Star" - Chatham County Line
"Country Boy/City Boy" - Chatham County Line
My coping mechanisms for stress involve heavy exercise of my debit card. Buying expensive clothes. Eating out every night. Drowning my sorrows in $10 happy hour martinis. In the end, I have little to show for my long hours at the office, except a mild hangover and some overpriced jeans. Where is the happiness?
"Sweet Caroline" - Neal Diamond
Here. Here it is. Rebecca joins me on Wednesday/Thursday. Good times never seemed so good. 
It's Pride Week in Washington, DC, and livers throughout the city are working overtime to filter the many alcoholic impurities that pour down the throats of DC's joyous gay citizenry. Late night parties, ladies jello wrestling, $1 beers for the shirtless, drag shows (queen & king), brunch specials, gay celebrity MCs, movie showings, charity fundraisers--you get the idea. The entire week is paved with tight t-shirts and rainbow bunting. Yes, my friends, let me be crystal clear: it's the most WONDERFUL time of year.
Here at Eggs for Becky, we like to post celebrate Pride with our favorite indie dance tunes.
This year, we're featuring a favorite gay among us--Sam Sparro. Enjoy the following Pride 2008 mix, "Queer Summer of Love."
Update: Playlist is available for download here.
1. Private Affair - The Virgins
2. Raise Me Up - Hercules and Love Affair
3. 21st Century Life - Sam Sparro
4. Funplex (Peaches Pleasure Seeker Remix) - B-52s
5. Je Veux Te Voir - Yelle
6. Spring Affair (Edit) - Donna Summer
7. Easy Love - MSTRKRFT
8. Happiness - Goldfrapp
9. Neighborhood - Sugar & Gold
10. Paper Planes - MIA
11. There Was A Time (Kenny Dope Remix) - James Brown
12. Rocking Chair - Cyndi Lauper
13. Teen Lovers - The Virgins
14. Head On - The Jesus and Mary Chain
15. Sally - Sam Sparro
16. D.A.N.C.E - Justice
17. Electric Feel - MGMT
18. Burn It All Down - VHS or Beta
19. Cling Wrap - Sam Sparro
20. Digital Love - Miracle Fortress